So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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