for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.