just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
