Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
