i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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