Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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