Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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