Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
