You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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