Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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