My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
