explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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