I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
