Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
