SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
