i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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