Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
