My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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