Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
