Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
