and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
