Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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