even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
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A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
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When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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