i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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