I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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