just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
