ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
