Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
