I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
