I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
