the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
