just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
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Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
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You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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