omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
