Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
two words: eviction party
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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