why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
