I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
