I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
