I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
