Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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