We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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