the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
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I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
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Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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