I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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