the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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