I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
