"it" just moved
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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