There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I am one with the molecules
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
