epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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