well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
