Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
