Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
