spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm at about main and main street
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
