ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
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Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
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They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You ate ashes out of my bong
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