So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I want to be your penis for a week.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
