I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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