Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
