Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is wine microwaveable?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize