He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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