Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
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I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
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I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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