somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
