Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
