Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
