if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
