I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have fence marks all over my body
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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