don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
