So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
