My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
