I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
