My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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