it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This beer is not sobering me up at all
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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