Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
