My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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