he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
