hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
