Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
