So drunk its hurt
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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