i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
