you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
