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I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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