last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
